Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
