are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
