that's an acceptable place to lick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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