Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
