Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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