you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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