Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
