Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
