K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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