her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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