On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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