If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
