I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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