He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
