Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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