yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This house was built for laser tag.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
