yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
