____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
