Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
