I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
