you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
