oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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