Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
