Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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