my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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