and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
