just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
