is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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