i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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