The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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