I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
