Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
