you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
