you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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