Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
