Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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