a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
