Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
honey bunches of taint.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
