Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
