I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
