I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
