Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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