Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
