I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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