very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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