Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
