i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
