I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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