...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
