im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
