I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
