elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she told me i tasted like america
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
