hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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