Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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