I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
