everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
