Duck Duck Cougar?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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