What did we do last night that was yellow?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
