He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
