if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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