Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
