So drunk its hurt
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
