I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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