well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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