I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
