Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
