Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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