i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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