my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
