you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
