we made out on top of his cat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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