Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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