My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
