I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
