Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize