she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
