so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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