He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
