I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
