Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
