I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
