I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
