You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
