Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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