There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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