last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
