I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
