playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize