it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
