I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
