We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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