I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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