who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
