I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
