I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
