i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
