So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
