She is in my trunk
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
