I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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