I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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