I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
